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But as I walked to my car on the way back from delivering the news, I noticed the sky was beautifully split; splashes of cloudy, orange-pink warmth overwhelmed a backdrop of gray-blue.Then, the very next day, Wednesday, I woke up early.I had a few friends, but largely didn’t connect with my peers.When I’d tie up my shoes in the locker room before basketball practice or sit down in the cafeteria with my brown-bag lunch, my heart always felt worlds away from the chatter about boys, teachers and gossip. I played sports, ran the newspaper, then retreated home into the solace of my books, quiet ambitions and tight-knit nuclear family.

My dad and I were also tight; he served as my unofficial cheerleader/driver to practices and games, where I spent a great majority of my free time.We all have those moments in life where we reckon with the realities of actually . I was a relatively-cool-with-it accidental loner, until I finally caved to the slap of reality: I was missing the kind of social support that makes maturing so much easier, more worthwhile. No matter where you come from, no matter what your upbringing or birth family is like, adult friendships can be about where you’re Making those friends isn’t easy.For me, it started to sink in when I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia at 19 and was basically homebound with symptoms for the next year or so. It was a vulnerability I hadn’t wanted to face for a long time. There’s no obvious way to meet different kinds of people outside work colleagues and your former school peers. You have to keep looking for those “clicks,” taking opportunities and making them, feeling slightly uncomfortable and lonely, even , throughout the entire process.I’d lost my long-time best friend to a fight that proved we were two very different people, another good friend to a cross-country move (we didn’t stay in touch), and yet another to the good ol’ engagement-and- scenario. I became close with someone from my creative writing class senior year and, although we have remained close, I felt like an imposter among her group of business-type friends (and she eventually moved, too).I joined my college’s new culinary publication and, again, didn’t seem to connect with anyone there. I tried hanging with a couple of “squads” full of great people who just didn’t feel like people. I needed distraction and mindless girl talk with someone who “got it.” Was meeting a Twitter stranger a desperate move? Getting that coffee with an internet stranger was the best random decision I’ve ever made. We went from coffee, to an event, to dinner later in the evening.

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